Die Sehnsucht

There was a time when she would give away all her secrets poured into a crystal chalice. There was a time when she could not control herself and she had to say everything that she felt. For her that was the true meaning of life. That and to enjoy as fast as she could everything that was delivered to her. Now things have changed and she would rather be safe than happy. What is happiness after all? Is it seeing her smile, while the birds sing and when only sharing a moment with her matters? Or all that, such as love and passion, is a false illusion?

She does not have a clue about this answer. What she knows is that her heart was on flames, jumping through her chest and even with the ocean dividing them, she only needed to have her presence somehow. And she had. But all her walls of fantasy and longing collapsed in a few minutes. It is funny how reality can be hard, merciless and cruel. There was she, the woman of her dreams, standing in front of her, and all she could do was stay in silence or mutter useless words. But what else could she say other than what she had to? 

Because there are the facts, what she needs to do, her role in that journey. And also there is the truth - which she does not like to think very much about it. The sunflower has another perspective of that connection. For her, she is a silly young girl that needs help from time to time and she is glad to do this enormous effort, just because she feels this gigantic pity for her. “Poor, desperate, sad, alone and silly fairy”, she might have thought. And after understanding that what else could she expect?

Now is the time to face life as it is, to rebuild her path, to try to cope with this feeling that made her throat close and the air to disappear. She must forget how beautiful she was on that October afternoon or how her neck makes her feel distracted and her smile makes her dizzy. She has to forget the past, where she found a joy that she had never felt before. It does not matter that she is miserable, because she is stronger than this and will find some purpose in life other than be happy.

She will forbid herself to think about her, to write about her, to love her. She will gather all the strength she has inside her soul to forget about the sunflower. She will finally see her as the person she is offering to be and nothing else. Because at the end of the day, it does not matter if the fairy is in love or not, all her appointments will continue to appear, her work must be done, people will need her, life goes on. And there is an ocean between them. That might help after all. 

And everyday the sunflower will care less about her, and will forget her. Maybe she will even forget her face and her name. All those moments will become history, a history so far away that she will not even know who was with her when she sat on that bench and shared her thoughts. As for the fairy, she will survive, like she always did. At least now there is a tree in her garden that has flowers similar to those that remind her of the woman of her dreams. Everytime that she looks at the pink flowers, she will take a deep breath and let the feeling that she has for her appear for a couple of minutes. 

Because, sometimes, some stories are not happy or the way people want them to be, but they are - if that helps - at least a story. With all the learning, the good and the bad moments, that existed. And there is, in the end, a final lesson: this narrative of loving her without being loved will transform itself today and this is for sure for the best.