The silly pain inside the throat

There is this suffocating feeling that she cannot get rid of. It is like something is stuck on her throat and she is not able to swallow freely anymore. Maybe that is happening because she ate up her tears a little bit and tried to move on with her own path.

It all began on a cold afternoon of September. She looked inside her eyes and saw emptiness. After that, the impression that there was an absence of feelings inside the sunflower only grew. Within that the suffocation got worse step by step. 

But there was one point where the pain became stronger than ever and that was after the moment she realized she would be forgotten. It is not like it is her fault or anything. She is just not important to her as she would like to be and that should be fine, it will be fine.

But the pain is striking her chest, her throat, her heart. She has this physical pain and there is nothing to do except wait for this pathetic and useless feeling to go away for once. In the past, she fall for many girls that are now only a memory or that got to have different meanings on her life. With the Kaiserin of the sunflowers that will not be different.

One day, she will look behind and see how this was relevant to her growth. She will see how this was the basis to never repeat the same circles, ever. She broke the cycle of doing whatever she wanted, just because she had feelings. And that maybe hurts and gives throat suffocations but it is also the best choice, the best path, the adult thing to do. 

And, as she writes, she gets to cope with her feelings and the tears wash up a small part of the pain. And that will be her life everyday for a while. Until the day that the pain is gone, until the day that she will not be sad that she forgot about her, because that is not the main point of this encounter. 

She met her to be herself a better person, she met her so she could see herself with better eyes and understand better what she feels, why she feels and about who. So, that was a learning experience. One she will never forget. And sometimes in order to learn you have to feel a little bit of pain, because that means you are transforming yourself.