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It is impossible to explain this feeling. How could she know that before her she never experienced happiness in her life? It seems dramatic and insane maybe, but it is the truth. After her, she discovered what it is actually to feel happy and how life can be beautiful in every detail. It would be even more surprising if she told people how she is the woman she dreamed about.

It was on July afternoon of 2019 when she told someone the list of things that she would like to find in a woman, one list that she actually made it when she was 14. That sounded silly and unlikely back then. But after 3 years she found the exact person who matches this fantasy. Everything she had described is there on the sunflower. 

How can she cope with that in the present? It seems so weird that life is testing her now. Because on one hand there is the woman of her dreams. The woman that is going to be so far away from her in a couple of weeks, but that is exactly what she wanted her entire life. On the other hand, she has patterns which she wants so deeply to change.

What should she do right now since she is in love, but once again not with the woman she should be in love? Should she tell the sunflower that she likes her? Maybe give a letter to her on the last day they will see each other? Or should she stay quiet, never tell her and try to forget her? Maybe the second option is the best thing to do.

If the reader of this messy online journal is a constant reader, this person must know how insane the fairy love life is, how she can dive deep into relationships and fall for the wrong people. But also, how can she do everything to seek happiness and likes to care about the girl she is in love with. So what are her next steps? Maybe she will change the equation and let the sunflower decide. 

If she does feel the same and let the fairy know, everything will be different. But if she sees her only as a dear friend, who will be very much far away soon, she will maintain her silence forever. Is it important to let everybody know everything all the time? Is it so relevant that people say all the things they feel just because one day death will come?  Maybe not. Maybe the action of telling every feeling inside your chest is a dumb idea. 

So, for now, her decision is to keep the silence that she learned how to evoque on the last few months. But if the sunflower reads this stupid diary, she wants to say that her impression that the fairy was in love with her was right. The confessions were about the sunflower all the time. And, yes, that was a romantic gift. And, yes, she does know that she is stupid for falling in love with her. 

But she is also very thankful to the Universe for putting her on the fairy’s way. Every moment by her side was damn special and the image of her beautiful eyes will follow her until her final breath. So, don’t be disappointed, pretty sunflower, because she tried very hard not to be in love with you, but in the end she was also happy because it was a honor only to meet you and have your company.